No, it’s not because he’s a fierce warrior, a loyal soldier in the fight against the Army of the Dead and the owner of a tremendous red beard. It’s because he’s a walking quote machine.
A gleeful hedonist without a filter, Tormund lives the way we all would if we just didn’t give an F. Asked last season for his advice on staying warm during the brutal conditions north of the Wall, he replied, “Walking’s good. Fighting’s better. F**king’s best.”
When it comes to memorable one-liners, though, Tormund (Norwegian actor Kristofer Hivju) may have outdone himself during Sunday’s episode. As our favorite characters huddled anxiously at Winterfell on the eve of a potentially cataclysmic showdown with the White Walkers, he served up some much-needed comic relief.
He’s got no game with Brienne, but that doesn’t stop him
For a guy who talks a lot about sex, Tormund is not so smooth with the ladies.
We’ve known since last season he has the hots for Brienne. The towering swordswoman rebuffs his ham-handed flirtations with barely concealed disgust. He doesn’t care.
“The big woman still here?” Tormund says hopefuly in the new episode upon arriving at Winterfell.
Later he corners Brienne by a meeting hall fireplace and — despite the presence of about five other people — makes his play.
“It could be our last night in this world, you know,” he says. Ah, the old “the apocalypse is coming so we may as well have sex” line. It doesn’t work.
Finally, he expresses shock and dismay that Brienne, despite her stature and skill in combat, is not a knight.
“I’m no king,” he says. “But if I were, I’d knight you 10 times over.”
Oh, we bet you would.
He tells half-crazy stories that leave everyone speechless
When Tyrion offers Tormund a drink — the whole jittery Winterfell crew is drinking at this point — he holds up an enormous Viking horn and says, “brought my own.”
This prompts Tormund to launch unsolicited into a story about the time he killed a giant when he was 10.
“Then I climbed right into bed with his wife,” he says. “Suckled me at her teat for three months. Thought I was her baby. That’s how I got so strong — giant’s milk.”
Tormund, as if he’s pledging a frat, then proceeds to enthusiastically chug the contents of his horn, spilling half of it over his beard.
Brienne did not look impressed.